Lately I have been digging into the concept of “dishonest thinking.” Dishonest thinking is the playlist of thoughts that we cycle through daily and think are true, but are not. Dishonest thinking is the mental monkey chatter which says we are not good enough. Dishonest thinking is judging others based on our own assumptions, beliefs and desires for conduct. Dishonest thinking holds us back with limiting beliefs of who we are and what we can accomplish. Dishonest thinking is the computer program of our brain running in the background keeping us from living fully and enjoying life.
Maybe we are born with some of this programming. Perhaps it is in our ancestral DNA making us relive the thoughts of scarcity our grandparents had during the Great Depression. Perhaps we incorporate the dishonest thinking of our parents when we learn to navigate through their well-meaning guidance. Our dishonest thinking can also be the result of a traumatic event changing the way we see people or life. Where these dishonest thoughts come from is not as important as identifying and replacing them with more beneficial thinking.
Journaling is a great way to expose our thinking. When you are triggered, fill up the page with your version of the event. Don’t hold back. Don’t sugar coat it. Let your inner child throw a tantrum. Scream and yell on the page. Take the gloves off and let us know how you really feel. Pour out your assumptions and expectations. Explain how the other person or the situation are not acceptable. Then walk away.
Come back after an hour, a day, or a week. Read what you wrote. Then read between the lines. What rules of life do you live by? What expectations for you have for yourself or others? What fears do you have? How do you see relationships and how people should relate to each other? Be an anthropologist and dig deep into the underlying beliefs. Let go of the specific incident and identify the rules of life you live by. If this is difficult, ask a coach, counselor, or trusted friend to help you.
Next look at what you uncovered. How do you see life and how to live it? What, if anything, is serving you? What is based in reality? What expectations do you have which never have the possibility of coming through? How is what you wrote holding you back and making you unhappy?
Finally, take your dishonest thoughts and make them honest. Change “I am worthless if I am not perfect,” to “I am imperfect and that’s ok” or “My worth is inherent.” Reverse all of your dishonest thoughts to be honest, helpful, positive statements. Read these new honest beliefs daily so you can begin to create new positive grooves in your brain. Watch yourself throughout the day. Catch and release any dishonest thoughts that come to the surface. Watch how your new honest thinking begins to change your actions, your reactions, and your experience of life. You have the power to create a new amazing life, one new thought at a time.