This past year or so, I have been in a challenging situation with another person. In retrospect, I think we were both hurt and did not confront each other so our tension just increased and increased. I knew I would see this person over Thanksgiving and dreaded it. I expected to be attacked or shunned. I expected the worst. It turned out things were tense but not horrible. However, my attitude, thoughts, and worries made the experience leading up to and including our minimal time together, unpleasant. Not only was I on edge expecting the worse, but my defensiveness was, I assume, experienced as attacks on the other person.
As Christmas approached, I once again fell into the loop of fearing seeing this person. Thankfully this time I stopped myself. One of the greatest tools I have found is the ability to stop my thoughts, remember what I want to experience, and make new choices to experience what I desire. In the days leading up to this second meeting, every time my mind started creating horrific what-if situations, I stopped it. I told myself that I wanted peace. I imagined things going as I hoped they would – no tension and the two of us acting cordial. I focused on what I wanted to have happen, not on what I feared would happen.
Changing my focus did a few things. First, it calmed me down. I was no longer upset and stressed about something which had not yet happened. Second, because my energy and attitude softened, those around me could also soften and release their guard. Third, things went well. As well as they could. When I let go of the story, it stopped being created. I know that I need to talk to this individual about what happened and will do that when I get the chance and if they are open to discussion, but at this point, I reclaimed my peace by choosing peace.
Focusing on past hurts and the fear of confrontation created anxiety, bad choices, and additional issues. When I chose to stop the cycle and instead took the time to meditate on what I really wanted and imagined it to be true, the hurt and pain dissolved. I also became stronger and felt less like a victim. I have a choice of what I want, and it is not negativity and stress. I accepted that there is absolutely no reason I can not receive and accept what I want. I have the power to create what I want.
Where is the pain in your life right now? How much of it is in your mind replaying incidents or creating horrific what-if situations? Stop your monkey brain from having control. Stop replaying the negative movies in your mind. Instead decide what you do want. What do you want to experience? Then choose it. Accept that you can have it. Imagine what it would look, sound, and be like to have it. Then on a moment by moment basis ensure your thoughts, words, and actions are in alignment with what you want to experience. Eventually your unconscious fear-based mind will stop being in charge and you will experience what you desire.