Along with my own business, I also work part-time for Right Management helping individuals in job transition. We work on the stress of job loss, determining what they want next in their career, and then the nuts and bolts of landing that next perfect job. All of my candidates have a chance to provide feedback about my coaching after each session and after our total time together.
The other day I looked through the ratings I received. Most of my ratings were on the high side which was wonderful. I am so glad that the people I work with are happy with the service I provide and find value in it. A few other people were not as happy. They gave me average scores. As I looked through the list of candidates who rated my services poorly, I found that they had one thing in common – they didn’t use the services.
Those who found value in the service, engaged in sessions with me and did the work. Those who did not find value in the service, did not return my phone calls, did not attend regular sessions, and did not do the work. In both cases, I was the same person. The difference in ratings was due to the difference in the candidates’ own performance.
When are we blaming others for our own lack of initiative? Where do we expect others to make changes but do not make any adjustments ourselves? Where in our lives are we upset with what we receive, but don’t speak up when we can? How much time do we spend complaining about poor service and not getting what we want, but not making an effort to get it?
Look around you. What is the bee in your bonnet right now? What are you more than happy to complain about? And what steps are you taking to change it? Is it preferable to complain than take action? Are you expecting others to change or to make things better for you? Where is your sense of personal responsibility?
When we expect others to magically fix us or our situation, but do nothing to move our cause forward we are disempowering ourselves. We are giving our power to someone or something else and then playing the victim card. We are the only one in charge of our life, our experience, and our results. If you are not happy with what you have then it is up to you to make a change.
Here is a great sequence to step into your power and start making positive changes in your life.
- Look at what is not working.
- Examine who or what you expect to make a change to what is not working.
- Ask yourself why you think that other person is responsible for fixing the issue and/or making you happy.
- Is it true?
- What really needs to happen to resolve the issue?
- What scares you about taking the responsibility yourself?
- What is worst, your fear of taking responsibility or not having a resolution?
- Determine what steps you can take to make a change.
- Take one baby-step toward making that change.
Before you start complaining about something, take a look at this sequence and see if you can’t make things better yourself.